I knew I had a unique family, but this week I am so grateful for who we are individually and especially for who we are a unit. Less than a week ago I left my coffee, toast and eggs on the table to talk to a Doctor who told me my Dad probably had 2 to 4 days left. I nodded into the phone and took down all of the information. Asking the questions and listening to the answers and in my head only hearing 2 to 4 days.
The next thought was how to call my brothers and sisters. How to tell my mom she had heard the Doctor correctly. How to stand up, get dressed and get to the hospital. The calls were horrendous. My oldest brother had been told less than 2 days before that Dad was in the hospital but would be coming home in about a week and now I had to call him over 3000 miles and let him know. He was stunned. Said he had to call me back. I was holding it together but my brain was in some alternative reality. I certainly did not want to live in this reality.
Last Sunday was a long day of getting to the hospital and being together. A day when we prepared a 6 year old to say goodbye. She sat on his bed and played tickle with him. He smiled and laughed and she talked and laughed. She had already cried. Her parting remarks were, "tell Papa I'll see him in heaven in a couple thousand years."
All we were thinking was that he wasn't to be in any pain. We were thinking and Terri was working on getting Dair here from Florida. This was all about goodbye, too soon, because it is always too soon. When we finally left on Sunday it was about when we were coming back, would all the hours be covered so he wasn't alone and would Dair get here in time.
Monday came and no one had slept. Some of us went to work. He told me to. He told me I needed to go teach those kids. He was surprised when Dair showed up along with Mark, his stepson. By Monday all 6 kids and his oldest grandchild were there along with my Mom.
The only words heard by us from the Drs was dialysis. He never wanted dialysis and no one could answer the question about his heart failure (which we were dealing with before the renal failure). It was beginning to be oh so much to deal with. Pressure, pressure, pressure. And lots of love. Joey had shown up the week before and he and my Dad had made up after long months of not talking. Dair was there and we were all just kids with a Dad who was leaving us, too soon. Always too soon.
Tuesday came. Tuesday was an incredible day. Blood pressure up, heart rate up from the 30s to the 60s and urine. Oh my God, urine! His kidneys seemed to be doing something. Then the oxygen was gone and he was talking and asking us what the big deal was. I told him mom had taken his black suit to the cleaners. The black suit, the one he wanted to be buried in. He had talked to us throughout all of the days, but he really didn't remember being that sick. Wednesday and Thursday he was better and better. On his way back to his normal.
Friday night, moved out of ICU, took two walks with the nurse, got himself out of bed (with just a bit of supervision) and into the chair to eat his dinner of pureed peas and beef. But we laughed. My Dad and I. We laughed as I asked if he wanted the non salt on his green and brown stuff. We laughed and chatted and then laughed at my mom as we watched her try to clean his hearing aids.
My mom looking on my dad with so much love and tenderness. Touching his face, checking on him. My dad making sure she was going to the Dr for her soar throat and telling her he was worried when she didn't call the night before. My Dad telling me my mom needs to go on her vacation in 2 weeks. Telling me "tell her you will come and stay with me so she can go."
Saturday, meeting with Palliative Care and being told he probably won't need much help when he gets home, but if that changes, they are here for us. Dad telling us all to leave and to get out. My mom sitting with him and dad reading her lips in their own special way.
Lunch with siblings. Dair saying "your mom really loves Dad." Us all hugging and kissing our goodbyes. Lots of love everywhere in our family.
My Dad has heart failure and his kidneys are not great, but we are out of the acute stage. The drs and nurses of VA Hospital are amazing. They keep us informed. They create teams that actually work together for the best interest of the patient. I feel so grateful to them for the care he has been receiving. I know we can lose him in the not too distant future, but I also know it will not be in the extreme fashion of this past week.
Today my dad commented that no one else around him seems to even get visitors. Truthfully, the hospital staff was a bit surprised by the size of our family and our connection to one another. I know my family is unique and I feel so blessed in this moment.
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