Being Catholic and The Pope

I just have to say, I am Catholic with a very smart mother. She always told us, "Take what you need from religion, leave the rest. The rest is usually man made, not God made."

The Pope is WRONG. I will risk excommunication because he is wrong and I and most every one in the world is RIGHT on this issue. The issue is HIV/AIDS. Condoms save lives. PERIOD.

How dare the man, who is to be a man of peace, as was Jesus, not come out against the atrocity of HIV/AIDS and use his influence to save lives. The spread of HIV/AIDS in the world can be fought with information and CONDOMS. Using virgins to "cure" AIDS still happens throughout the world. Additionally, many go untested and spread the disease. We can stop the spread of AIDS with CONDOMS.

The Pope needs to stand up and do the hard right thing. He needs to do what he is supposed to do. He needs to save people, all people. Even if you are not a Christian you can see that Jesus was about love and acceptance and taking care of his flock. Whether he was the Son of God is another matter entirely. The Pope needs to use his understanding of the teachings of God and Jesus and care for the flock. If we are all God's children, then he must tell those who listen and follow him without question to do the right thing. USE CONDOMS.

I feel like a real teacher

Today was different.

It started out the same. Shower, get dressed, pack lunch, go to work. I plan every day and today was the same. But, something was different. It felt different. It was different.

My students worked today. They did their warm-ups. They responded to questions. They worked on their projects. They typed on their laptops. They helped one another. They asked real, meaningful questions. They were not loud. They did not require constant prodding. I almost didn't realize the change.

Then it happened. One student said, "Ms. Ancrile, it is like we are an actual English class. Everyone is working. It's so cool."

You might think this ruined the moment. It did not. They continued to work and they all acknowledged the change. And then there was another moment.

They stayed after class and after school to finish their projects. I joyfully stayed at school until nearly 5:30. They called parents, the parents checked with me to make sure they were actually working on school work. It was miraculous and so normal all at the same time. I helped them. They were lovely. They were fun. They were productive. I was productive. 

This was the day I have been waiting for all school year. I am a teacher. I am their teacher. They are learning. I am a real teacher.

Loving Students

Today was an odd day at school. My students were worried about me. I was just tired. But I did remember my friend Fieron telling me that when I'm tired I look mad. So, today I broke the cycle. In all of my classes my students are working on projects at the moment. Today I showed them examples of my own work on their assignments. I forgot how much it helps them. But regardless, they are all working individually (mostly) and sitting in pods of 5 to 10. It allows me to move around and really work with each one. I like this most of all. They talk to me, they are not monsters and though I always love them, today I really remembered how much I like them. Even the annoying one who was suspended last week was okay today. He ditched most of his other classes, but came to mine. He did not do any work, but he received some praise any way. He knows a lot of the material, just does nothing, he did help one of the other students.

Today is also the day when I remember how nice it is to be at a school that at some point in time had money for technology. I have a mobile laptop computer cart in my classroom. Macbooks -- very cool. So, they were all typing up their projects, they take it very seriously when they have a computer in front of them. 

All this, you get the idea, I loved them and I liked them today. So, I go to the office about an hour after school is out for the day. First Celeste tells me she found me a hard core sub for me while I am at the CPA conference. I thank her and let her know the last sub had a very hard time -- my students were pretty horrible to her. Celeste and Liz both thank me for letting them know.  Then I walk in to the hallway and find Lucy (she was our office manager until the budget cuts made that position go away). She asks me if my classroom was still in one piece when I got back from my last conference. I say yes. She tells me she heard over the radio all the roamers having to go to  my room while I was gone. I am a bit stunned, but realize, that is just how it is teaching 10th grade.  

I then run into the ELL (English Language Learner) coordinator and she asks me how it's going ( she heard the previous conversation). I let her know they can be really horrible, but not so much for me any more and that I just try to remember to love them. I don't always like them, but eventually they will be 11th graders. She reminds me of this fact too. 

I do love them. They exhaust me. They can't seem to learn a lot is two words and they write like all assignments are text messages (though not as much any more), but they did correct the Lead Teacher in our Academy about the pronunciation of my name and they tell me I'm their favorite and they know I care.

I guess I don't suck completely, but some days as a teacher I feel like a fake. Other days, like today I feel good and I feel as if I am in the right place, finally.  I hope I get to keep my job in the fall.

The Need to Write

I am a teacher. I teach English. I have days when I have no idea what that really means. Today is not one of those days. Today I realized I have not written anything of my own in months. No story, no poem, no blog and barely the occasional FB note. I have also not read very much. My work takes up so much time. I read and write instructions, prompts and grant requirements. But, I don't write. I feel like a fraud. My students have written 6 essays, endless paragraphs, thank you notes, apology letters, WWI diary entries and on and on. I have written nothing.

The teacher in the adjoining room found some things I wrote. They once published something I wrote in the LA Times. It was meant to be a letter to the editor, but they called and wanted it for their voices section. I worked with the editor, it actually is a piece that became longer not shorter with the edit. It was printed and I got phone calls from people in my community. Cool.

And yet, that was a long time ago. Now, I need some kind of writing project.  I want it to be something for me that is me that sounds like me.  

So, what do I know. I know we can lose our imagination as we get older. My niece Emma learned that from her Kindergarten teacher. It's true, but does it have to be. Can't we all dream and hope and believe in magic, love and adventure?  I want to, but it is true sometimes I believe I don't have much of those things left in my life. Those are sometime longer than fleeting thoughts. I used to be brave. I used to be sure of the endless possibilities.  I used to be a lot of things. 

I now know being strong and being brave are not necessarily connected. I now know with time it can be harder to take risks. I know doing things just because you are good at them is a lousy way to live your life. There needs to be joy. I learned something about joy from a priest. You don't have to be religious or believe in a specific god to understand this.  Anyway, he told us happiness is happiness but true joy comes from God. You know, that higher and deeper place. Joy is that feeling that overwhelms you and lifts you up and you feel fulfilled. My camp friends will understand this as that point in a ceremony. Joy real joy is what we are looking for. 

This is not the writing I was planning on doing today, but maybe it will lead me in the right direction. 

Expectations and Disappointment

Living comes with expectations and disappointment. I have always been aware of these two constants in mine. I often feel as though people have different expectations of me than they have of themselves. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, so that is not what I am talking about. I have this ability to take a lot of crap from those closest to me before I react. In many of these cases it is those people who are the most sensitive who are unable to meet my expectations. My feelings always seem to get hurt without them realizing it. It is always somewhat amazing to me. I have even brought it up to some of those involved and yet it persists. I guess what makes it difficult is, like I said, it takes me a while to get to my breaking point. 

Having said all of this, I am disappointed. I try to do for the people in my life. I try to remember we all are different and that is what makes life interesting and I do take ownership of preferring to deal with other people's problems rather than my own. I guess I do need less help day to day from others, but that does not mean I do not have feelings or expectations and sometimes if I am actually asking to be listened to and needing something from the people in my life it would be nice for them to come through. It would also be nice on occasion for people to acknowledge my existence and my feelings.

All of this is vague, but currently that is the best I can do.

Time to get over it and move on

I have spent the better of two days aggravating myself about Sarah Palin. And now I am realizing I need to move on. The Conservative Republican Machine is again moving us away from the real issues -- Bringing our troops home, improving our relationships abroad, our tanking economy and our healthcare crisis. Obama took the high rode today and I need to follow that example. It is exhausting to feel so disgusted by people in this country, especially when you "know" you are on the right side of history. 

I watched Stop-Loss tonight and am reminded of standing up and fighting for what is truly important -- honor, freedom, truth, justice and the pursuit of happiness. As our extremely young men and women fight far from home, we must all fight to preserve our country at home. We need to stand up for them. We need to make sure when they come home they have the support of grateful nation complete with healthcare, student loans, home loans, mental health care as well as love, compassion and gratitude. In order for that to happen we need to use our hard earned right. We need to vote and speak out and write our legislatures and support our military families, our poor, our distressed. We need to be the best we can be. We all know Americans are deeply charitable and caring of one another in times of hardship. We need to be that way each and every day to all we meet.

We the people of the United States of America are our greatest strength and our greatest source of resources. We can change our world, the world of a nation, the world of our children and the world as a whole. We just need to reach beyond our fear of what we don't understand and do the right thing. One thing at a time.

The Day After

I am so confused today. I woke up knowing McCain would announce his running mate. And so it began. Who is Sarah Palin?  Everybody seemed to be searching her name. The information was unreal. Regarding her stance on issues I was in shock. First, most issues were blank. Most important foreign policy. And then there was more shock. She does not wish to protect a woman's right to choose. She believes in her state's constitutional amendment which bans same sex marriage. There were images of her with machine guns and wearing fur. She supports drilling Alaska for every drop of oil. She was the mayor of a town with less than 8000 people and she has been the governor for just a bit longer than a year. There is a legislative inquiry into her firing of a state officer. Who is she and why is this the choice. The crazy media thinks this is a way of swaying Hillary Clinton voters to the McCain camp?  Has the world gone topsy turvy. Those of us who supported Hillary Clinton supported her because we believed what she believed. Our interests are Hillary's interests. She was an educated, experience, well spoken and respected member of America. Sarah Palin with her five children, commercial fisherman, and 3 delegates is not any one I would vote for, whether or not she is a woman is not the important element. She does not have women best interests. She has no experience and it is insulting to put her in the same class as Hillary Clinton, Geraldine Ferraro, or Barack Obama for that matter. It is really an alternate universe where this woman could be vice president. But she will do what McCain needs, she will encourage the ultra conservative religious right republicans.  So, the answer to this disgusting choice is for all of us to vote for Barack Obama. We must stand up, line up, wait in lines, vote and make sure our votes are counted. It is the only way America will have a chance to be what we know it can be.  YES WE CAN!